you dumb-ass, milk-chan

that is what i am, i should have known that i was being selfish, again. josh means the world to me, i dont know why i wanted to leave him. maybe its becuase i am scred fo the future and the present. i want to be with him and make him happy, i want to be in control of our futures, but i cant. that is what scares the shit out of me. but i am glad that yesterday i was too chicken shit to go through with breaking up with him, i am very glad. he doesnt deserve it, what he deserves is someone who loves him and will be there for him, and that person is me. i am so happy that we are together. i dont know why i didnt ask him out sooner.
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i saw cj last night! yay! i am SO happy that i got to see him. last time was at the firemans picnic, that was almost a year ago. that is so cool though, he is majoring in three different subjects, owns his own business and makes over 30 bucks an hour! i am so jealous. but yeah, i really miss him, he was my teddy bear! besides josh, he is the only other person i really cared for. man i hate having feelings.