love

im not sure if its true love, but close enough. on saturday, really early in the morning, josh called. he said that he loved me and im not sure if he meant it or not. i hope that it was because that is the only reason why i said yes to us again. i really hope that i do get to spend the rest of my life with him. he is just so perfect, yeah okay he has his defaults, but everyone does. i really do love him, its just that im being torn between him and brian and i dont know what to do. josh is here and he makes me happy here. but brian is in washington and i have a better connection with him mentally, im not sure if i can honestly say that i love brian anymore. i wish that i could say that i did, but i dont. its josh that i love, even though i did say that i was over him, it was a lie. it was just something i had to say so i could move on. i know that i should never of cheated on him with seth, but i said i was sorry and he took me back for another chance, and im glad that he did, this time i will not hurt him. i am staying true to him and only him.